Politically Incorrect Transcript

Politically Incorrect
November 1999

Bill: All right. Let's meet our panel. She is the Development Director of the Young Americas Foundation, Kristin Short. Kristin, yeah, hey.

Kristin: Hey, how you doin', Bill?

[ Applause ]

Bill: Thank you for coming back to our show. He's one of the swell stars of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," Tuesday at 8:00 on another channel, Nicholas Brendon. Nicholas? [ Applause ] Hey, good to see you back here. Her upcoming film is "What Lies Beneath," and she's the face of Elizabeth Arden, she is supermodel Amber Valletta!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Hey, you, nice to meet you. Thank you for coming by.
And he is one of the stars of "Stark Raving Mad," Tuesdays at 9:30.
Again, another channel. Neil Patrick Harris, yeah.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Neil: How are you, sir?

Bill: How are you? Thank you for coming here.

Neil: It's always a pleasure. [ Applause ] Let's get down to business.

Bill: Yeah, let's get down to -- I like that attitude, "Let's get down to business."

Neil: Let's make it happen.

[ Laughter ]

Bill: Okay. This kid. Okay. Well -- a lot of people say that I have it out for Ronald Reagan. I don't. I liked Ronald Reagan. I don't. He was a nice guy. Nobody could say he wasn't a nice guy. But, okay, one of the big news stories this week was that his approval rating in his last year in office was less than Bill Clinton's. Bill Clinton has a 57 approval rating. Reagan had a 52. And I think that's because the American people appreciate that he stood up to the witch-hunt and they're giving him his props.

[ Applause ]

A small golf course applause for that.

Neil: Nice chip shot, Bill.

Bill: Yeah.

Neil: Out of a sand trap.

Nicholas: Yeah. I mean, that's kind of black and white. You know, I mean, I think the economy's going well right now.

Bill: Yes.

Nicholas: People are working.

Bill: Oh, you could have sex with a horse, the economy's going so good.

[ Laughter ]

Nicholas: And actually -- 'cause I just tried it. And he didn't sell chemical, you know, weapons to Saddam Hussein, or any type of weapons. I think that there's a lot of weird things, and he wasn't an actor.

Bill: He is a fabulous actor, fabulous.

Amber: I think, also, too -- I think also, too, people like to see human qualities in someone
that's in the media. And celebrities and rock stars and all of that, sometimes we don't know who they are personally, and Bill Clinton is the President of the United States, and he showed his most human faults. And I think people really appreciate it.

[ Applause ]

Nicholas: What are you saying --

[ All talking at once ]

Amber: People make mistakes.

Nicholas: That's his attribute.

Kristin: I don't know that showing his faults is something that really endears the American public to a President. I think if you're talking about poll numbers, you have in Clinton, a President who has governed his entire tenure by the polls.

Bill: Like the others didn't? Right, like the others didn't! Right. They were all Abraham Lincoln before Bill Clinton.

Kristin: You go back --

Nicholas: He was a good one, too.

Kristin: You go back and look at Reagan, and he did not govern by the polls. He decided what he wanted to do with America, the direction he wanted to take the country, and the people came along behind him. It was leadership versus --

[ All talking at once ]

Amber: There was more crime, more drugs coming into this country, more problems in the world than there are today with Bill Clinton. I'm sorry.

Neil: Reagan came from the era of "Just say no." And Clinton came from the era of "Just say no, oh, oh!"

[ Laughter ]

Nicholas: Neil Patrick Harris, everybody! Neil Patrick Harris. "Stark Raving Mad."

Neil: Thursday night.

Nicholas: Thursday night. On another network.

[ Applause ]

Bill: They used to call that "Getting a Doogie." [ Laughter and applause ] Okay, but, I mean, you know, is it too much to admit about Bill Clinton what people would say about Reagan, which is that he made mistakes. He also had moments of greatness. But you can't say that about Bill Clinton. I mean, the people who hate Bill Clinton hate him from a place that I've never been able to understand.

Kristin: Don't put words in my mouth. I never said that I hated Bill Clinton. I think that if you look at what Bill Clinton has done well, in fact, he learned it directly from Reagan. Clinton has watched -- you asked. You asked. What was Reagan known as? "The Great Communicator." One of the things that Bill Clinton has done is watch how Reagan presented things to the American public, watched his speeches, so that he could emulate --

Bill: You're right.

[ All talking at once ]

Neil: You don't know that to be true.

Kristin: No, I mean, that's something that the folks in the White House will tell you.

Neil: Can we call them right now? Call them right now and ask them.

Kristin: It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

Bill: That's interesting what you said. You said he emulated Kennedy.

Amber: He emulated Kennedy much more, and he will openly admit it.

Bill: Right. Wasn't Kennedy the model for that and not Reagan? Kennedy was a much better actor than Reagan.

[ Applause ]

Kristin: But Reagan's -- a better actor?

Bill: I mean, they're all actors.

Kristin: But Clinton's not going back and watching Kennedy videotapes. All I'm saying is, you're saying --

Bill: He's watching Reagan videotapes?

Nicholas: He's watching his own home videotapes. "Woo! I'm hot!"

Kristin: I mean, look, one thing Reagan did very, very well is he had an agenda, he went -- he was elected to the office, and he accomplished his agenda. What has Clinton done? What is Clinton's legacy? Monica Lewinsky? Come on.

Bill: No, it's not, it's a great economy. Reagan's -- one of his big --

Kristin: It's a great economy because of Ronald Reagan.

Bill: Oh, stop it!

[ All talking at once ]

Amber: He gave us credit cards --

Bill: How do you get --

Nicholas: And now I'm filing for bankruptcy! Don't you understand, Reagan killed me!

Bill: Reagan was out of office for five years --

Kristin: What has Clinton done for the economy?

Bill: -- Before Ronald Reagan. How does he take credit for Clinton's economy?

Kristin: Because the economy is not something that happens overnight. The economy is something that goes like a pendulum.

Bill: Maybe we should blame Reagan for the depression.

Kristin: Reagan signed the greatest -- [ Applause ] Ronald Reagan signed the largest tax cut in American history.

Bill: But he ran up the deficit! That's why his popularity was low, because he didn't fulfill that one big promise of smaller --

Kristin: Think about what you're talking about, why did he run up the deficit? Because he hiked defense spending. Why did he hike defense spending? So we could win the Cold War. Now what are we reaping? The benefits of having won the Cold War. We don't have to spend that money on defense. That leaves more money in the government, which leads to the balanced budget.

Nicholas: That's a whole hour show, I think, right there. I mean, it's like, you know -- my thing, I mean, do we always have to be on the cutting edge, I mean, have the best missile and this and that? The fact, however, is that we have nuclear warheads, and that's all we need. And the fact is that if someone pisses us off or pissed him off, that he could push a button and they're obliterated. And so are we. "Sorry, this missile isn't as sleek-looking as this missile. So we're going to go with this model, the four-door sedan over the two-door sedan."

Kristin: Tell me you want to have a poor military? Tell me you don't want national defense. I mean, what are you saying?

Nicholas: We have it. I think we'll probably have it for the next 500 years now. It's time to kind of cut back on that for a while. And do it towards education, but that's not our topic.

Bill: I know.

Nicholas: Sorry, Bill.

[ Commercial Break ]

Bill: All right, I want to talk about something -- reprise something, really, that we talked about last week when it was a big story because it was about models, and we have a big-time --

Nicholas: And also an actress.

Bill: Right, big-time, right. [ Applause ] And I'm sure you know what I'm going to say. It's about the eggs that were for sale on the Internet. Because there are infertile women who need eggs, and a guy named Ron Harris was selling the eggs --

Neil: That's my dad's name.

Bill: Whoa! It is? Is this your dad?

Neil: I hope not.

[ Laughter ]

Bill: This is a sleazy guy who was selling the eggs of models because I guess people want great-looking kids.

Nicholas: A master race.

Bill: Master race. If you don't know how it works, there is the surgical removal of eight to ten eggs they take out of the model, which are then mixed with sperm in a test tube.

Nicholas: I do that at home, actually, and it works.

[ Laughter ]

Kristen: You're missing out on all the fun, can I just tell you?

Nicholas: I'm going to start making a movie.

Bill: So I guess the question is, you know, is this cricket? I mean, is this --

Neil: Isn't that how sperm banks work, as well, kind of? You go through a list of people, and then you sort of read their attributes.

Nicholas: But you don't see what they look like, though. I think it's prostitution of eggs. He's the pimp. I mean, if he's making money -- it's America, I suppose, so I guess anything can happen. I wouldn't do it -- well, no, I would do it. [ Laughter ] I'm for it, man.

[ Applause ]

Neil: I think it's fine. I think it's fine. I have no problem with it.

Amber: But don't you think it's a bit of a gimmick that he's saying it's models' eggs.

Nicholas: No, he's saying supermodels.

Amber: Is he saying supermodels or models? I'd like to know which supermodels are giving their eggs because I don't think any of them are. [ Applause ] So don't buy it, anybody.

Nicholas: Twiggy, I think, actually is doing it.

Amber: I think it's a bit of a farce and --

Neil: Seems kind of gimmicky.

Amber: It seems very gimmicky. And I think that there's -- if you want an egg, there's plenty of clinics that do it and why would you want to buy into something --

Nicholas: Because you --

[ All talking at once ]

Kristin: So what's next? A website's advertising, you know, Michael Jordan's sperm so you can have athletics kids? I mean, it's ridiculous.

Neil: If he's willing to give it, why not? Why not, though? I'm saying, why is that ridiculous? If Michael Jordan --

[ All talking at once ]

Kristin: You can have Bill Maher's sperm for --

Nicholas: I'll take Bill Maher's sperm any day! [ Laughter ] Forget about it.

Bill: But that's not the question. The question is if you want an egg, why not have it be a Faberge?

[ Laughter ]

Neil: Can you fertilize a Faberge?

Bill: If you're going to get an egg, if we're going to mess with what God does, why not get the best? If you're already messing with his territory, then why not?

Nicholas: If it doesn't work, is there like a money-back guarantee?

[ Laughter ]

Kristin: If you have an ugly baby, "Oh, my supermodel egg turned out ugly!"

[ Talking over each other ]

Amber: Is this about beauty here? It's ridiculous.

Nicholas: If you look at the parents of a lost of these attractive people, they're not really great-looking people. Like, Kareem's parents aren't 7'0" tall. I think they're 5'10" and 5'8". So you might be getting a lot of those genes, which I don't think you want, per se.

Kristin: There's a lot of recessive genes here.

[ Talking over each other ]

Bill: Or you might get a kid with a really bad attitude.

[ Laughter ]

Nicholas: Whoa.

Amber: That, too. What are you saying?

[ Laughter ]

Bill: I'm just playing. There are other attributes.

Neil: You have said before that the better-looking person in life gets by easier.

Bill: That's a fact. They've done studies.

Neil: If that's the case and someone's wanting to get an egg, wouldn't they want to get the best-looking egg that they can?

Nicholas: That's really shallow, the best-looking egg. "Well, look at that egg."

Neil: No, I'm just saying hypothetically.

[ Talking over each other ]

Amber: It just doesn't guarantee that your egg's going to come out, or your child's gonna come out and be this beautiful person.

Nicholas: It's horrible. Actually, I think it speaks horribly of our society that -- and I think it's on the news because -- I'm hoping it's on the news because it's so ridiculous that they're laughing at it.

Bill: No, it's on the news because there's 6 million --

Nicholas: They're charging $150,000.

Bill: 6 million infertile women in this country who think it is a right to have a child. I disagree. I don't think it is your right.

Kristen: It's a blessing if you have a child. If you're blessed with a child, that's wonderful, but not everybody is. But if you're not, you don't go and start strategically picking the genes that you want from this person's sperm and this person's egg and try to chemically create the superperson.

[ Applause ]

Amber: I think we're messing around with something that's way too powerful. We have no control over cloning. We have no control over genetics. And it's very, very dangerous. It's gonna be -- in the future, it could go way beyond our control and one of those things that we can't get back. And I think we're stepping in territory that's --

Nicholas: Well, fertilizing an egg --

Amber: -- God's creation.

[ Applause ]

Nicholas: But if you do it, it's not like cloning, in a sense. I would like to see the first child that comes from this, however.

Neil: See what the results are.

Nicholas: So it's the father's sperm?

Kristin: A child, it's not a science project.

Bill: Yes, so -- it's the only way the father can feel like --

Neil: A lot of people can't have kids.

Amber: If you can't have one, adopt.

Kristin: They could adopt a child.

Neil: Or they can go to a sperm bank. You know, there's many different ways you can do it. It's not -- adoption isn't simply the only way to go. I don't think that the people that are doing it are necessarily doing it as a science project.

Bill: No, but if they can't have a baby, you know, it's true, why don't we use up the orphans first? You know, let's get rid of them. We've gotta take a break. We'll be back.

Bill: Okay, my final issue today is about -- it's a handicapped issue, and I'm always reluctant to do these 'cause people come up to me and say, "Why are you so tough on the handicapped?" I'm not, I'm full of sympathy and love for the handicapped. But you know what?

Nicholas: I really hate them.

Bill: But this is just an example of the kind of thing that's ridiculous. In Lawton, Oklahoma, there's a 9-year-old kid who has cerebral palsy, and he needs a walker. And he was on the soccer team, and they barred him from the soccer team, and now his parents are thinking of suing. And the soccer league said, "You know what, it's soccer." It's very hard for the other kids to move around when there's a big metal Walker on the field. And I'm not making fun of this kid.

Nicholas: Not to mention, you've got the endorsements, man. I mean, you gotta figure, like, Bud Light's probably pulling out now. Nike's not gonna sponsor the kids anymore.

Neil: They could put the ads right on the walker.

Nicholas: Good idea.

Bill: You know, it's not a good lesson to tell any kid, handicapped or not, that you can do everything, because we can't all do everything, can we?

[ Applause ]

Neil: I bet that kid would be a wicked goalie.

Nicholas: But can you use your walker to stop the ball?

Neil: Yeah, I think so.

Nicholas: There we go.

Amber: Are you sure he plays with his walker?

Nicholas: He can't walk without it.

Bill: He's on the field --

Neil: I mean, I think it's good that he wants to play and should go out there and kick the ball around if he wants. But little league sports, although they're little and young kids, it's still a competition, with coaches and teams and stuff, and I don't know what lesson that's teaching the kid.

Kristin: Not everybody can do everything. Not everybody can be a supermodel. Not everybody's born beautiful.

Nicholas: Or an actress.

Kristin: Not everybody can be funny. Not everybody can play sports.

Nicholas: I wanted to be in the Olympics as a female figure skater, and they said no. [Laughter and applause] It's true.

Amber: I don't agree, though. I think that if you teach your kids that they can -- that whatever you dream for, you can go for and you can reach, it's a very good outlook. And if you have disappointments, you learn from those disappointments. You'll find the things you're good at, and the things you're not, you'll leave alone.

Bill: But what about the other kids -- what about the other kids on the field who just want to play real soccer?

Amber: That's okay. I think the parents of this child who's got cerebral palsy should find maybe other kids that have handicaps and form another soccer league.

[ Applause ]

Nicholas: That would be good. Now, however --

Amber: I played soccer.

Nicholas: However, it might -- it might be one-on-one soccer, but it's soccer nonetheless.

Amber: But I think all the power to him, I say he's very courageous for going out. 'Cause he could get made fun of. He could get hurt.

Bill: They could get hurt. The other kids could get hurt 'cause he's got a big metal thing on the field.

[ All talking at once ]

Neil: Fine, he wanted to play, great. They said no. But then the parents sue. And so what does the kid see in, like, you know, what's his --

Kristin: There's gonna be a lawsuit.

Neil: He's gonna be really bitter about the whole thing.

Bill: What happened to just sitting a kid down and saying -- you know, I mean, I wanted to be a basketball player. I'm 5'8", I can't. Okay, I would have liked to have been a musician. Either one of those things would have made it easier to get girls than it already is. But I can't.

[ Applause ]

Amber: You can still play basketball. You don't have to be an NBA star.

Bill: Not professionally.

Amber: So? That's okay.

Bill: And I didn't make the high school team. I didn't sue. I was too short. I learned to live with --

Nicholas: You should sue God.

Bill: That's the next thing.

Kristin: The parents of these kids could be focusing on so many positive things. I mean, you know, it's a shame that this child has cerebral palsy, but there's a lot of positive things folks with cerebral palsy can offer society.

Bill: Some of them are our sponsors. We have to do this. We'll be back.

Bill: Okay, final quick question. It is legal, as we were talking before, to sell your eggs and your sperm, but not your blood and your organs. Why?

Nicholas: Why isn't it legal?

Bill: Yeah. If you could sell your sperm and your eggs?

Nicholas: I'm still using them, that's why. I'm still using them. I kind of want my organs.

Bill: You don't need two kidneys.

Kristin: Donate them.

Bill: Yeah, you don't need two kidneys.

Nicholas: Unless one fails, of course, and then you kind of wish you had that backup.

Bill: But you could -- [ Laughter ] In the meantime, you could have ten grand in Las Vegas.

Nicholas: You want my heart, Bill? You got it already, buddy.

[ Applause ]